My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
