I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
