Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My vagina just clenched in fear
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
