My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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