Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
