His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
