I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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