Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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