We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
