his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You were trust falling into bushes
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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