I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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