I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
