Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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