i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
