I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
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Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
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There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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