I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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