it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
