you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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