You smell like a Billy Joel song
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
