Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
