Well apparently he's into motor boating.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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