i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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