Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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