It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
