I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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