Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
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