i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
