i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
