she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
