and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
