Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
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Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
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Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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