remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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