Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We need to feng shui this bitch.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
