3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
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