my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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