his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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