I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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