I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
