My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
