am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
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Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
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I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize