Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
