i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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