So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
