i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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