Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
