So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
