nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Can you bring me the toilet please
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
