Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
