She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
