If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
