That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
