I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
