It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
