I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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