i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
