So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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