I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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