Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He felt like a one man threesome
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
