im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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