You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
