if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
